So………..there’s been an increase in gang activity lately……but one group in particular has been on the rise lately……. soliciting outside of local grocery stores……
Pushing their products that have had detrimental effects on the community…
Thats right….. The infamous Girl Scouts have taken over…..
I once had one (a lower ranking gangster, I assumed) approach me on my way into my local Kroger, and asked me to buy some of her cookies. I replied “No, thank you”, smiled and continued with my shopping experience……. So about 30 minutes later I was leaving the store and the same little girl (with a blank stare, looking like Carolann off Poltergeist) asked me if I wanted to buy some cookies….again.
Now Im like: I know you, know you just seent me walk in (Not to mention these bright red Air Maxes I’m wearing) and remember asking me the same question before (Now, I didn’t really say all this, I just stared at her with one of those goofy-a** “Do you recognize me?” stares)….
She wasn’t budging….. talk about a stone face……Thats probably her gang name: Lil Stone-Face
I dunno how the Girl scout gang operates….but I imagine that they are equal opportunity…. So maybe she has some memory deficits…… or something neurological going on…..but thats nothing for me to explore!
So I’m like: “No, thank you” (I almost used a line from Bernie Mac’s “Milk and Cookies” skit). I smiled and left the store………
But Today…..Today, I witnessed the hardest thing I’ve seen all week…..at that same store.
I guess Lil Stone Face was promoted to like, gang boss… Cause she was obviously running things…I made it past her and the gang using a few other customers as diversions…… but as I was leaving, I saw a gentleman standing in the doorway as he exited the store……He must have been naive……
There are two rules that you have to abide by when dealing with this gang:
1. Keep the conversation to a minimum!! (“No thank you” works just fine)
2. Never admit to having any form of currency!!
All I heard him say was: “I don’t have any cash…..
“Lil Stone Face smiled…..
*It was at this moment, that he knew he had messed up*
Now, I tried to pocket dial 911 but I accidentally dialed 411…..
Lil Stone Face stepped in front of his cart so that he couldn’t move and said: “but we TAKE credit cards too!!”
I believe Tupac’s “Ambitionz of a Ridah” was playing on the radio over head……
She stood there looking at him with that stone-faced stare…….
Swear this 7 year-old probably had “thug life” tatted on her abdomen….
Then I heard him say something lame like: “Please honey, I just bought some from my daughter…….”
Lil Stone Face looked back at her crew….
And…….I got the H-E- double hockey sticks outta there.
I ain’t witnessing nothing…….
-Follow The Rules
-Be Specific
-You Don’t Want These Problems
-Thug Life
